Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Dear god my vagina.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
