11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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