Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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