Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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