When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Randomize
