fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
