is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
