I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
