I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
