I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
