my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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