I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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