I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
