We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
