We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Randomize
