see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize