i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
