JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
