Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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