did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
