I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
