You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize