loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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