I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
