you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
