My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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