Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
