my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Randomize
