sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
