I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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