Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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