you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
