I just made out with a guy for $7.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
