I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
