You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
