Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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