i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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