We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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