just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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