it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
