i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Randomize
