Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize