sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
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