can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Just invented taco cereal.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
