He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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