i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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