Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
