Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
