We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
