Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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