Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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