Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
