I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
