whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
