how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
