return my video game
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
