ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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