Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
