I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
