Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
