we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
