she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
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