so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
