I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
