We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Randomize
