Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
We named our party play list daddy issues
operation have a gay friend backfired
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
