He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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